My mom reminded me last week of something I said to her when I was attending University, living in Vancouver, in my early 20s. The classic stay-at-home-mom, mine did it all! She did all of her own baking, she kept an impeccably clean and organized home, made sure all three of her children had full bellies, clean faces and cozy sheets to curl up in each night. She planned meals, carpooled, catered to my working father; she cleaned toilets, helped with homework, and made sure all of the bills were getting paid each month. Add to that the fact that she did all of the bookkeeping for my father's company and it's pretty clear we're dealing with super woman here! So what ignorant quote has been pecking at my brain, ever since my mom reminded me of it last week?
"I don't want your life, mom"..................
So, how did I get here? 3 years ago, at this time of day, I would just be getting back to my pristine office after a lunch break with the girls. I'd be sipping my herbal tea, answering emails, meeting deadlines, and ever so often checking in on facebook. Today, my 'lunch break' started when I put Grace down for her nap. That was followed by me quickly finishing what she didn't eat for lunch, unloading and then reloading the dishwasher, sweeping the floors, washing the counters, cleaning the toilets and then flipping a load of laundry. Whew! Definitely a far cry from where I was just a few years ago, when I started my life as an 'adult'.
Lately, I've been reading up on how career women feel after they make the jump from a Working Lady to a Stay At Home Mommy. The 'pros' in the pro/con lists always differ, because I think each family makes the decision to have a parent at home with the children for their own reasons. But the 'cons' in the lists are always the same. They generally include financial issues (including how hard it is to cope with financial dependence), loneliness, a lost sense of 'self' or identity, long work hours with hardly any breaks, and a lack of understanding from spouses. It has been nice to read these articles, blogs and online questions that other new Stay At Home Mom's have written - I take comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in feeling all of these things myself! It is admittedly much harder than I thought, being a Stay At Home Mommy. It's definitely not soap operas and pj's all day; nor is it happy, playful babies 24/7, or blissed-out coffee dates with other local mama's. Let's be honest: When the pj's are on all day, something has gone terribly wrong!
My mom and I are lucky enough to share an amazing friendship now that we are both adults, and since I became a mother myself, we definitely connect on a new level. Sometimes when I have had a rough day, I ask my mom, "How have you done this for so many years without becoming crazy?" Her response is always the same and it makes me laugh:
"Are you serious? I went bat shit crazy years ago!"
Each day on this journey, in my new career as a Stay At Home Mommy, I am learning. It's much more personal than I ever thought it would be, as I am discovering who I am on a completely different plane than I ever knew existed. Some days I feel broken and alone, and others I feel strong and incredibly bonded to my family. For all of it, I am thankful.
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