Well, I can't for the life of me find sleep tonight. I'm left sitting here in bed wondering why it can't be one of those glorious, stormy, 'Coast of BC' nights where the rain is hitting my bedroom window sideways and the wind is blowing the bathroom fan around and around, "tap, tap, tap..." I love those nights. Those stormy nights sooth me like a lullaby until I'm fighting sleep, fighting for just five more minutes to cuddle up to the warm body of my husband sleeping next to me and surrender to my 'West Coast' storm gratitude. Tonight is not one of those nights. Our bedroom is stifling, the husband is snoring yet somehow restless at the same time, and my sad baby boy is coughing the night away down the hall. Maybe my wakefulness is due to the fact that I know I will be up all night long dealing with sick baby boy? Whatever the reason, I'm trying to make the best of it. Reminiscing...
I feel so lucky for so many things in my life, and recent conversations with friends and family have got me skipping merrily down memory lane: Afternoon snack time with my mom and brothers, talking and joking and eating...almost fifteen years later and it's still one of my favorite pastimes. Fort building and exploring in the woods, feeling so rustic and independent, lost in the world of my imagination. The fourteen amazing years that our dog spent on this earth. The outdoors, all of it, in every capacity - swimming in the ocean, rivers, lakes; hiking; boating and kayaking and canoeing; camping; sleeping under the stars in my best friend's back yard each summer; beach parties, bon fires, sunsets, storms - I think I have a million great memories for each tiny category. Camping with my Nan, my brave Nan and her 13 little grandchildren, every summer for two weeks. I know that I am so lucky, so blessed, to have lived such a full life already...and each night, as I check on my two sleeping angels before I search for sleep myself, I can't believe my luck.
And as I open my mouth to whisper words of thanks in their tiny ears, I stop myself...maybe if I don't vocally acknowledge how lucky I am, no greater power can take notice and say, "Oh yeah, wait a second...what DID she do to deserve all that!?" For now, I will just go on silently relishing in my luck by smothering my family with love.
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